repeat

I haven't written here for a while. I am not really sure what to talk about. All I know is that every time I think of writing it all comes out as complaints and whines and woe-is-me.

Not that today will be any better. It is that time of year again... when my life started to fall apart 5 years ago. Of course at that time I didn't know it was falling apart.

Right about now I was still stuck in the hospital... but no one had really explained the seriousness of the situation. Every day they had told me I could go home tomorrow but then tomorrow would come and they'd say the same thing. It took my husband at least 5 days to bring me clean underwear because every day he thought he was coming to pick me up. I was in the hospital for at least 12 days, maybe 13. In any case no one told me I should be on bedrest so I spent most of my time pacing up and down the halls because I was so bored.

Anyway, I am not going to get into all that, you can read about it on my other blog from my posts last year or I guess by now it was the year before.

I am in a slump because this time of year is very hard on me and again I feel very alone. I am trying to look for a new job but all I can think is that I don't really want to work or at least not any of the jobs that are available that I could actually stand a chance to get.

In addition to that I don't have any references. I have lost touch with most of my old references and some of them I have lost trust in as well. That is why I didn't apply for a couple jobs that I might've had a chance otherwise... their job ads asked specifically for references.

Another problem these days is that people seem to be trying to piss me off. I'm sure it's not really like that but that's how I feel. Take for example that lately the weather has been crazy here so I've been switching back and forth between a/c and heat alot over the last few weeks. My pilot light keeps going out. So, I have had to call hydro to come 2 or is it 3 times now to relight it as it is an old furnace (but in good condition) and the last time the guy came he told me that i should get a cover for the fan to keep it from blowing out my pilot light. He told me that the furnace company that we have used (they have a sticker on the furnace) in past would be able to cover it for me. So I phoned. The lady on the other end was just RUDE to me. She kept telling me that it will be $85 / hour plus parts. I asked her well how much approximately is the part? and she got all snotty and told me that she is not a technician. Well seeings how I am broke, I am not exactly willing to have them come here for $85 only to find out the part is $200 and have to have them come back when I have the money and then end up having to pay $285 because they came back a second time in addition to the $85 original peek.

Later I found out they have an email and so I emailed hoping to get a better response. Again the person on the other end says "85/hr plus parts" I write back and say can you give me an estimate on the cost of the fan cover. They write back that they have no clue what I am talking about and that it will be $85/hr plus parts.

I am so miffed. My pilot light has gone out again and it's rainy again, so i need a little bit of heat. I have no money so I can't just let them come here for $85 for nothing or to come back again at another time to pay again.

I'm tired of calling hydro to come and relight it only to have the next day be hot and have to put the a/c on again and repeat.

and by the way, we have always liked their services before. but usually my husband called and he never questioned anything like that, he would hang up and then grumble about the situation. But not me, I will argue if I must.

I'm tired of my whole life being repeat and nothing getting done for one reason or another... my body aching, the weather (rain rain and more rain with a few way too hot days), mosquitoes, time, money,

I'm just rambling here and not even using proper sentence structure and grammar which is also driving me insane but I need to get it all out of my head. Not that it really helps.

I am also getting a bit frustrated with my work, I am loving the job that I do but I am not getting any further ahead in it. My income is really low and is being spent on my supplies, therefore no extra money for bills and such. I am getting frustrated because people are not wanting to come to my card classes or even my open house, but yet I have to spend the time and money to prep for each one "just in case"...

Is it all a waste of time? I really don' know how I can physically work at a "real" job for 8 hours plus a day and then come home and do all my housework, yardwork, errands like grocery shopping, and then my stampin' up job as well. I don't know, and so because I'm really not sure I can do it, I am putting off REALLY looking for a new job but that is not helping my situation either.

I am hoping to have a yardsale later this summer. one of my neighbors put a notice in everyone's mailboxes asking if we wanted to have a block sale this upcoming weekend and I really would but i don't know if I could get everything ready in time plus I would need help lugging stuff out of the basement. also with the rain and the mosquitoes, etc. I am just not really up to it. I am hoping that I will get help to have my own later this summer. I have been going through everything, so far I've got like 10 boxes of stuff to sell as well as my old entertainment unit and microwave cart and a couple other biggies.

but i'm so busy planning my open house for the new catalogue launch, so I'm just hoping that people show up to that. I have prepped supplies for make n takes for 20 people but so far I have only heard people say they are NOT coming, with exception of a few maybes. and I don't really trust "yes"es anymore.

well anyway i shall stop rambling and get on with my day , I have been trying to force myself to go upstairs and get dressed so I could go to the bank today. I was up at 6 and raring to go but the bank doesn't open til 9:30 so I got busy and distracted and now it's almost 3 pm and I've done nothing much. (okay that's not entirely true, i mowed the back yard and cleaned up the doggie poo before it rained and I made 8 cards for the fellow demos all before 10 AM but since then I have done nothing and I'm already on my 4th coke of the day which is really bad, and all I've eaten is a couple chunks of cheese but I can't think straight enough to decide what to eat. bleh.