Sunday, May 9, 2010


People wonder why I am not quick to believe them when they say that they will do something. It's because time and time again they prove to me they are not trustworthy. They always have an excuse or something always comes up. They promise to be there for me, but they are not. They are too busy, too tired, too poor, I am all of those things and yet, I am still here and still would rather scrape up a few pennies to go for coffee even when I haven't slept in a week, or just so happen to have 20000 things to do that day.

They wonder why I'm so moody and why I no longer go out of my way to call them or email them.

It's because, in the end, I'm the one who's always disappointed.

My family thinks I hate them... that's not true. I just don't trust them....

and I can't handle the disappointments, the brush-offs, the being the least important on the list. I'm tired, man, I am so so so tired.

Unfortunately the alternative is to be totally and utterly alone in this world.

except, i already feel that I am.


Joc(e) said...

I've said it before but I'm really sorry, and I can relate. I am not quite as rock-solid reliable as I was before losing Michelle, but I still hate to let people down and I try not to make promises I can't keep, especially with things that are really important to the other person.

Thinking of you and wishing (again) that we lived closer to each other. (((HUGS)))

Michelle said...

Hugs Ter. Im so sorry people have to be that way.

Momma bear said...

yup not fair, things happen and sometimes it can't be avoided i get an avereage of 4 hours of sleep a day then I work all night, I hardly get to see anyone my family included!!! I can't help it that we are all sick and I haven't bneen able to talk for 3 days!!!

A Bear and His Honey said...

K, just so you know, this wasn't about you, this was about my entire Relay team backing out. (except one).