thank you

for putting up with my crankiness yesterday. I know I shouldn't type in the depths of my grief but I needed to get it out somehow.

I was able to find someone to give my car a boost so I did not have to have it towed to a garage or anything. Load off my mind right there. I canceled my doctor's appointment, it was just a follow up to my sore arm from a few weeks ago. It's still sore on occasion but livable, I guess. After my car was back running I let it run for about 15 min then went for a drive for another 10-15 min. I took Emma with me so she could have a change of scenery. She loves car rides. The problem is she is so excited that she whines the whole time. haha Then after that I went and got my eyeglasses adjusted. It's a little better now but still a bit lopsided. Will give it one more day (today) then I will be calling the eyedoctor and making an apt. It is entirely possible that he mis-prescribed my glasses. Also keeping in mind that my old glasses had broke and I had gone almost a week without glasses at that point, it wasn't til after that apt that i finally decided to try wearing my really really old glasses. (from like 10 years ago) After I got my glasses adjusted I went to take my hearing aid in. I had been taking it in like 5 times now and finally they said they would send it away. So they took my hearing aid and gave me a temporary replacement. The problem, however, is that when I got home the same thing happened, so now I am terrified that the problem is my ears, and not my hearing aid. I know that I had a hearing test in July, and it was fine (or considering in severely-profoundly deaf, it was within MY normal range). so I emailed him again but by then the office was closed, so I am just waiting for him to email me back today. I don't know why things can't be simple for me. Every time I think I've dealt with a problem, it still lingers on. I know I'm an overly emotional especially "in the moment" and when I wrote my last post I was "in the moment". Again I would like to thank you for putting up with it. I don't know how any of you can stand me sometimes.

And you know, all this is minor stuff, in the grand scheme of things, I know, but my grief just magnifies the awfulness of everything that goes wrong in my life. Even a hangnail could set me off "oh why meeeee?" I know, it is pathetic sometimes and I can see people rolling their eyes at me and saying 'oh ter" but my brain processes everything like this: "a hangnail, ohgawddoineedthisijustlostmyhusbandandmybabyandmylifesuckshit" It is just a grief thing. I know these things are irrelevant in the long run, at least I hope so (especially because I'm worried about my ears right now)

so again, i just want to say i appreciate your patience as I work through this. I don't know that I'll ever completely be able to have a normal reaction to anything though.