Thursday, May 21, 2009

thank you

for putting up with my crankiness yesterday. I know I shouldn't type in the depths of my grief but I needed to get it out somehow.

I was able to find someone to give my car a boost so I did not have to have it towed to a garage or anything. Load off my mind right there. I canceled my doctor's appointment, it was just a follow up to my sore arm from a few weeks ago. It's still sore on occasion but livable, I guess. After my car was back running I let it run for about 15 min then went for a drive for another 10-15 min. I took Emma with me so she could have a change of scenery. She loves car rides. The problem is she is so excited that she whines the whole time. haha Then after that I went and got my eyeglasses adjusted. It's a little better now but still a bit lopsided. Will give it one more day (today) then I will be calling the eyedoctor and making an apt. It is entirely possible that he mis-prescribed my glasses. Also keeping in mind that my old glasses had broke and I had gone almost a week without glasses at that point, it wasn't til after that apt that i finally decided to try wearing my really really old glasses. (from like 10 years ago) After I got my glasses adjusted I went to take my hearing aid in. I had been taking it in like 5 times now and finally they said they would send it away. So they took my hearing aid and gave me a temporary replacement. The problem, however, is that when I got home the same thing happened, so now I am terrified that the problem is my ears, and not my hearing aid. I know that I had a hearing test in July, and it was fine (or considering in severely-profoundly deaf, it was within MY normal range). so I emailed him again but by then the office was closed, so I am just waiting for him to email me back today. I don't know why things can't be simple for me. Every time I think I've dealt with a problem, it still lingers on. I know I'm an overly emotional especially "in the moment" and when I wrote my last post I was "in the moment". Again I would like to thank you for putting up with it. I don't know how any of you can stand me sometimes.

And you know, all this is minor stuff, in the grand scheme of things, I know, but my grief just magnifies the awfulness of everything that goes wrong in my life. Even a hangnail could set me off "oh why meeeee?" I know, it is pathetic sometimes and I can see people rolling their eyes at me and saying 'oh ter" but my brain processes everything like this: "a hangnail, ohgawddoineedthisijustlostmyhusbandandmybabyandmylifesuckshit" It is just a grief thing. I know these things are irrelevant in the long run, at least I hope so (especially because I'm worried about my ears right now)

so again, i just want to say i appreciate your patience as I work through this. I don't know that I'll ever completely be able to have a normal reaction to anything though.

3 comments:

Why Do We Even Have That Lever? said...

Hey girly,

I'm sorry I couldn't come rescue you yesterday. I would have come right after work but that other guy came and boosted you. I'm glad that worked out.

Did you try the van again today?

I have another busy day today (when aren't they busy??) hair cuts for the kids after work, but then I'm home in the evening.

I'll hopefully have a chance to "check in on you."

Again, I know it's all minor crap in teh grand scheme, but even a person not grieving right now would have a hard time with the crap you are going through!!! it's so frustrating!!!

HUGS, and you are doing an amazign job dealing with it all. you really are.

forwardtumble said...

Ter you are amazing and i really do care about you. I agree, most things just plainly suck and I wonder as well, why yet again? And SHOUT! Enough!

I'm still waiting for the day that the spotlight of crap-city is no longer shining on me. I don't think either of us wanted to be the main role in this crap film.

Hang in there, the only way to go is forward.

much love
xx Ines

Joc(e) said...

Hey, that's one of the points of writing...to be able to express yourself and how you're feeling right then, even if it's really bad. Blogs are wonderful for that. Don't apologize! I'm glad the van thing worked out, and hope the glasses and hearing aid issues will work out soon also.

(((HUGS)))