When I arrived at the hospital, Bear was near tears. It turns out the social worker came in to see him. She told him that we are going to have to look at other possibilities in regards to his living arrangements. He has been on a plateau long enough that they feel that he does not really need to be in the palliative care unit at this point. The other options include Hospice, Nursing Home, or at our house.
Hospice and Nursing Homes would require us to pay a daily fee. I have heard it is $30 / Day to stay at the Hospice. It is not unlike staying at a hospital, except that the hospital staff won't be checking on him on a regular basis, if my understanding is correct. At a nursing home, he would be much younger than the bulk of the people there, and that is one of the main reasons why this would not be the best option. It would probably be very depressing for him and he is depressed enough. With either of these options, I would have to go back to work, and full time at that, which would mean I will have no energy to spare and not a lot of time to spend with him.
Coming home is really the best option emotionally and financially, however, it would be very difficult as I've mentioned in a previous post. I really would love for him to be at home, but I am not sure how we could make it work.
I do not know why this all has to be so complicated. I feel very stressed out about all of this and I don't know what to do. I'm sure it sounds like I don't want him at home at all. I do, but I also want him to have the best care possible.
The social worker even went as far as to say that if he comes home, it is unlikely we could get a lift to get him into a chair. So that would mean that Bear would have to be bedridden all of the time. He is having a very difficult time with being bedridden. I do not think being in the hospital bothers him that much, but being stuck in the bed is really getting to him.
I fear that if he comes home and is bedridden one hundred percent of the time, he will go downhill fast.
It turns out that Bear has blood clots in BOTH legs, not just in the right leg as I previously mentioned. The left leg is starting to swell up now too.
He is still unable to move his legs. He can not even wiggle his toes. Over the weekend at one point I pulled back the blankets to check on his legs only to find that his foot was trapped between the bed and mattress at an awkward angle and he did not even know it. There's no telling how long it had been like that.
I have been trying to focus on all the positives... but it is getting harder to do so every day. I go and spend time with him and I find I have nothing to say. I'm watching every word I say for fear of upsetting him or saying anything that might worry him. I dread mentioning any bills that have come in the mail, but he is always asking me about them.
One day at a time... or One Bear Hug at a Time.