Thursday, November 13, 2008


I arrived at Bear's room today to see several people in the room. One of his doctors, another doctor, a student nurse and another woman whom I've seen before but have not quite figured out who she is.

Bear was in his chair and was obviously emotional when I walked in. Apparently, last night he was having alot of pain and this was causing depression.

Prior to my arrival, I believe he had expressed his concern of being "kicked out" of the palliative care unit. As I walked in, the doctor was telling him he should not be worried, no one is kicking him out and he will remain there for as long as necessary until something "better for you" comes along. They will work with us to determine the best course of action, they want to find the best place for him, and for him to be the most comfortable possible.

Bear was visibly upset and even said that he can't take this being bedridden any longer. He began to tear up and that of course made me start crying too.

Everyone left us alone to spend time together, but the emotions ran high the entire time I was there. We walked up and down the hall and stopped in the lounge for a while. Every so often he would burst into tears again, which of course made me burst into tears too.

It has been a very emotional time for us. Some days I wonder how we can survive. How we have survived the last three years?

Backtracking a little bit, one of the things I forgot to mention yesterday in regards to the Nursing Home option. If Bear is put in a nursing home, we would legally have to separate in what they call a "medical separation". If my understanding is correct, this is just so that his income does not affect my income or vice versa, and then he will be qualified for any benefits or anything that he will need won't cost as much. I am not entirely sure. But just the thought of having to legally separate is just so unfair.

Hopefully he can remain in the palliative care unit or be transferred to another one which from what I hear the other one is much bigger and has more space for the patients to move around and feel more like 'home'.

Some sad news: When I took the furrybear to visit her daddy, we had been asked to visit another patient. She really enjoyed that and so did the woman who we visited. Well, sadly, the woman has passed away. I sincerely hope that she is at peace now, and without pain.


Jo said...

Big bear hugs to you and bear today. I'm sorry I have no words to help ease the pain.

perilloparodies said...

I KNOW it may not make sense, you may be angry, numb, etc... I just want to encourage you in some small way, and what I have to offer is Jesus. Trust in, Cling to, Rely on, Believe in Him. He never promised us that we would not have pain or hard times, but HE DID promise us that He would be with us through it all, that He would help us. Let Him, and He will give you strength for today, and indescribable joy for tomorrow. He will fill your hearts with peace in turbulent times, and all kinds of other things that HE knows you need. All I can say is that, and that I am praying...Sending a hug... Celita

Sarah C. said...

((HUGS)) Praying for strength and comfort for you both. I hope things work out so he can continue to stay where he is or move to the larger facility.

Monica said...

I just cannot begin to imagine how difficult this is for the both of you. All I can offer is my love and prayers to you every day. With love...Monica

Di said...

I just don't know what to say Terri and cant imagine what you are going through. But I am glad you have the blog and I think of you guys often.