The Day You Fell Or The Last Chapter

So this week marks the anniversary of the day you fell down the stairs which resulted in you never coming home. I'm Sorry I did not stay downstairs with you that night, but you insisted that I go to bed and how was I to know it would be your last night at home forever? How was I to know I'd have to go to the hospital every day for almost 2 months and watch you waste away, This big strong guy who never got sick. How did you slip away so quickly?

The last few weeks, I have been very busy but things are dwindling down a bit and now the emotions are coming forth again.

I really wished you were at the walk with me this past weekend. You would see how much we have grown. And even surrounded by 100+ people, I could not help but think of the ones who were not there. You and babybear. Of course, it is because of babybear that the walk started in the first place and because of all the other babies gone too soon that the walk continues to grow.

I don't know how I do this without you, but I do and hopefully it is only bringing me closer to my reunion.

I'm struggling. I have not been able to find employment and the bills keep coming. I don't know what to do. I haven't completely given up but it is getting so hard. I just want to curl up in a ball and never get out of bed some days.

And I'm fucking lonely.

and tired.

absolutely tired of this.