So, in the past few weeks, I have lost even more friends. I think once you hit the one year mark you're supposed to magically be happy again.
The worst part of this is that one of the friends I've lost is a fellow angel mommy who should know better that there is no time line for grief.
I am not going to get into it right now. I spent all night awake and upset about this. I would not say this person was a close friend, in fact, other than our angel babies, we had not much in common. So losing this person as a friend is not what hurts me most. It's the fact that I am losing my ability to trust people and to know who actually cares about me. It's that I am afraid that people are going to turn on a dime and suddenly hate me, just as this person did, and the previous friendship that dissolved a couple weeks ago.
I am getting tired of all the excuses for these people leaving being that I haven't "gotten over it" yet. Well let me spell it out for you right now. I am NEVER going to "get over it".
And you know, I could be doing MUCH worse than I am now. I could be completely non-functional, and if I were non-functional, I'd be dead by now but somehow I've managed to get out of bed every day and make my own meals so I don't starve. I've managed to go to the grocery store and buy the groceries even though god knows I don't ever want to leave the house.
I am just so tired of people .... I'm seriously at a point where I feel that maybe I should just drop everyone and accept the fact that I'm meant to be alone, alone alone.
and I'm tired of people saying they are here for me, and all that. Actions speak louder than words.....