I'm back home after a very emotionally difficult week.
It was already going to be a naturally difficult week, but a few certain people decided to make it an even worst week. I wish I were exaggerating but I am not. These people have been doing this for most of my life now, but I chose to put it aside and attend this funeral and wedding, and be the bigger person. Unfortunately, as usual, I leave feeling worse than I arrived.
I am not going to get into a lot of details right now. I am feeling awful right now, not to mention emotionally and physically tired.
And in case anyone is curious, I did ok at the wedding. I only broke down once. Although, was it worth it? I don't think so. It was a mistake to go, not because of me, but because of others. It would not have mattered if my husband and my daughter had been there, those same people would have treated me the same as they did. The only difference might have been my emotional reaction to their belittling. By the way, the bulk of this happened after the wedding when I made yet another mistake by staying an extra day.
I guess they are right, it IS my fault that they treated me that way!
... in the face of cancer, we are learning to live one bear hug at a time ...
4 comments:
I am sorry that some Pepole were being rude and hurtfull. Dont waist your energy thinking about them.
I'm sorry. it can be difficult to be around others when everything hurts this much. I hardly leave the house right now. I just don't want to see people. But your efforts will be worth it too those that invited you. After all it was thee day and you respected that by attending. x
Don't be a dork, dork. it is never your fault when people choose to act. It wouldn't matter what you did. It wouldn't matter if you stood around taunting people, if someone made a decision to say, shoot you, it wouldn't be your fault, even if you were trying to drive them to do it.
People are responsible for their own actions. We are in control of our own actions. the people who treated you badly made that decision to do that. It is NOT your fault.
I have a little poem that I kept taped to my phone at work, but now it's gone cause I got a new one,and all I could find is this on the web (quick search). the full quote is much nicer:
“Beware your thoughts as they become your words. Beware your words as they become your acts. Beware your actions as they become your habits. Beware your habits as they seal your fate.”
People make their own choices in life Ter. Don't take responsibility for them as well. HUGS!!!!
Alli, I said that last line kind of sarcastically. I don't actually believe it's my fault.
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