another post in which i talk about being hungry.

I really am. I had a nice supper yesterday (peach pasta) remember how much your mom loved it when we made it for her? She thought it was gourmet food. Really it's one of the most simple meals we make. Well, I ate the leftovers for lunch, so at least I had one good meal today, but when it came to supper time I couldn't decide what to have. ( I ended up having a toasted tomato sandwich, it was bleh) It was really hot out today, and after heating up the kitchen yesterday I didn't feel like doing it again today. I really wanted to have BBQ but I am still hesitating to unlatch the propane tank. Even if i did unlatch it I don't know if I could carry a full tank. You told me it was very heavy. I don't know I never tried to lift it. You also told me it is very tricky to hook up, which is my biggest concern, what if I don't hook it up properly and the whole thing explodes? anyway. maybe I'm just a wussy wuss wuss. heck i started the scary lawnmower myself, and the scary weed wacker. Maybe I should put on my brave face again and try the propane tank.

But even still, it won't be the same without you.

I am tired of being without you, Bear, I need you, don't you know that?? I know I'm "capable" but I was so much more capable with you here. You helped by supporting me, by helping me make decisions and be confident in my decisions - OUR decisions - You helped me physically, so that I did not have to endure it all myself. What happened? where did we go wrong?

and why am I still hungry?