Saturday, April 11, 2009

What's The Point, Really?

Seriously, what's the point of me continuing to live, there's nothing to live for. Why bother? I am never going to be happy.

Now don't you be sending me any messages pleading with me to not do anything, you already know I'm not going to, I can't. I won't risk not being allowed to see my family again if I do that. I won't risk not being able to get into heaven.

I just don't see the point of living though. Seriously, what's the point? Why am I still here? I want to know. I want to know why my family has gone away and why I'm stuck here all alone. Even the pup doesn't want to be around me anymore and spends almost all her time on the opposite floor from me.

I'm tired. I'm alone. I'm so frickin' sick of being alone all the time. Where is everyone who said they'd be there for me? I don't see anyone here.

And please don't take offense but I'm tired of talking to the computer.

7 comments:

Jen Sue Wild said...

I have no words that you havent heard a thousand times...

So I am just going to send you a hug to let you know that I care.

my3sons said...

I think you have every right to feel like you do. Anyone who has lost a child and their husband would want to go be with them. I also would think that they both would not want you to be so sad and heartbroken. It is easier said than done, I know. I just wanted you to know that what your feeling is normal and anyone in your situation would feel the same. I am so sorry that you don't have family or friends to lean on. The blogging community can only do so much from "way out here". Is there anyone that you feel close enough to that they can be there for you? I know that people sometimes think that the grieving person is doing ok and doesn't need any more help. Maybe you could reach out to one of them and let them know how awful you are feeling. If I were anywhere near you I would be right over to be a shoulder to cry on! I know that the internet isn't the best company. You need someone to physically be there for you. I pray that you will find peace soon and start to feel better. The process is very long, unfortunately. Take care of yourself.
Katie

Michelle said...

There is a reason for everything. We dont know what it is, but eventually we all will figure it out. And you will too.

*Just Jen* said...

Well, all I can say is that I hope you can be happy again. *HUGZ*

Carebear said...

No offense taken. Regardless of how much love your readers send to you, it is not a replacement for a flesh-and-blood loved one. I'm so sorry that you are hurting so deeply, and that you have lost so much. I pray that you find some measure of peace and comfort while you try to live with the memories of your husband and baby girl.

PetalsYoga said...

No platitudes or words of wisdom. Simply unsolicited love sent to you in hopes of giving you some comfort in your time of pain.

The Powell Family said...

I am amazed by your honesty. I guess this is what they call "raw" emotion. Truth. I am humbled by it too, and honored to pray for you. Praying you found hope during Easter, remembering He conquered death for these reasons. Even Jesus wanted (and asked for) an easier way for God to bring Himself glory. Sin ad death were so heavy for Him. So heavy, so raw. Search for rest in Jesus. Search for peace in Jesus. Search for Jesus.