When you live with someone for so long, you automatically assume roles in the household. These roles are not necessarily assigned out, but just fall into place after a while.
My husband and I both did alot of equal work around the house, but there were some things that just naturally became something he did more than me, and some things it just naturally became something that I did more than him.
When Bear landed in the hospital, I let alot of these things slide, but now that I am not at the hospital several hours a day, I need to resume some of these roles. The problem is that now I have to pick up some of his roles too.
We both made meals and we both did regular clean up around the house. I did most of the laundry, while he did most of the outdoor work (mowing lawn, shoveling snow), he dealt with most of the finances, while I dealt with holidays and "special things" (making gifts, etc.), I dealt with organizing things, and he dealt with keeping them organized. In a lot of ways, we were a good match in this regard. We complimented each other. My weaknesses were his strengths and his weaknesses were my strengths.
Now that he is gone, I have to assume his roles in addition to mine. It is overwhelming being the only one who does everything. And because of that, sometimes I just don't do them. Which means right now my house is a mess.
I put off shoveling for the last couple weeks, and yesterday we had a bit of a snow storm. I could barely open my door because the new snow was on top of all the snow that was already there.
I am not yet capable of doing everything by myself yet. I can't figure out how to make it work, and sometimes just thinking about thing puts me in such a state of depression that I"ll just go watch tv instead of even attempting to get anything done.
Eventually, I am sure, I will figure it all out. I wish I didn't have to.