It has been an entire month since my husband passed away.
How can it be a whole month already? It still feels like yesterday. And yet, it feels like a whole lifetime ago.
In fact, it was a whole lifetime ago. I am no longer in the same life I was a month ago.
I still see the look on his face as he took his final breaths. I can still see how sad he looked and how worried he was about leaving. I can see that he was going back and forth on whether to stay or go. I believe he was torn between staying with me and going to be with our daughter. I know he was talking but I could not understand what he was saying for it came out as mumbling with exception of the words "Ok, I'm ready to go home now".
I saw that he was tired and his ability to fight was fading. He needed to go, and I knew that. But it doesn't make the pain any less.
I miss him so much. What do I miss most of all? Bear Hugs. Simple as that may sound... that's really what I miss the most. The last few weeks of his life, it hurt him too much to even be hugged, let alone to hug me. I would do just about anything to have another Bear Hug.