Saturday, December 27, 2008

One Month

It has been an entire month since my husband passed away.

How can it be a whole month already? It still feels like yesterday. And yet, it feels like a whole lifetime ago.

In fact, it was a whole lifetime ago. I am no longer in the same life I was a month ago.

I still see the look on his face as he took his final breaths. I can still see how sad he looked and how worried he was about leaving. I can see that he was going back and forth on whether to stay or go. I believe he was torn between staying with me and going to be with our daughter. I know he was talking but I could not understand what he was saying for it came out as mumbling with exception of the words "Ok, I'm ready to go home now".

I saw that he was tired and his ability to fight was fading. He needed to go, and I knew that. But it doesn't make the pain any less.

I miss him so much. What do I miss most of all? Bear Hugs. Simple as that may sound... that's really what I miss the most. The last few weeks of his life, it hurt him too much to even be hugged, let alone to hug me. I would do just about anything to have another Bear Hug.

5 comments:

Sarah C. said...

Hard to believe it's been a month already. Time flies by so fast.

I hope your heart and mind are soon flooded with only happy memories of Bear and the life you two shared. That something will trigger one and bring a smile to your face and you will feel the warmth of his spirit with you. ((HUGS))

Tina said...

I wish you could have another hug too. Even though you know you will be with hin again it doesnt take that pain away. I would give anything to hold and kiss my daughter one more time....This death thing just sucks!

Jo said...

I am so sorry you had to go through a holiday without Bear and Tyla. :( That just sucks! Life is so unfair sometimes.

I know it's not the same...but I'm sending long distance bear hugs just for you!

steviegator2004 said...

I can't believe it has been a month already also...I have been praying for you this holiday season...I am not in your everyday life but sounds like you are doing good under the circumstances...lean on your friends and we are here for you...

Joc(e) said...

Time goes so very fast...sometimes a blessing, sometimes a curse. I wish you peace... (((HUGS)))