Sunday, September 13, 2009

Medical Records

I got your medical records today.

I only read a few pages.

and it made me cry... cry... cry...

What made me cry the most was reading some of the nurses quotations of things you said.

Like when you had the thrush and you couldn't swallow your food because it hurt to much. You said "I'm starving! I'm going to die of starvation!" and then you cried.

It hurt to see them write how often you cried. You tried to be strong when I was there. You didn't show me your tears much til the end. But those papers show that you cried more often than you let on.

But they still insist that you weren't going to die that day. Notes from even an hour before you left said something like "wife was about to leave when nurse came in and asked her to come back later and wife became agitated because she thought the nurse meant pt would die that night"

They tried to convince me I misunderstood.

If I misunderstood then why did you die not 2 hours later?


Michelle said...

Nothing I say can make you feel better. Just know you are in my thoughts often and I wish I could be there to be of more support than I am over the computer. Your a strong woman Ter. God brought you to this, He will lead you through this. I have no doubt. Bear would want you to be able to get through this, otherwise he wouldnt have tried to be so strong in front of you.

roy/elisabeth dean said...

Nurses and Doctors never know. I was out jogging one morning at the hospital in between visiting hours when Roy was in ICU for all those months. The Doctors screamed at me that I needed to stay in the waiting room at all times! They thought he would pass away at any time. God has the final word~