Today was the funeral for my friend's mom. The funeral was held at the same location that Bear's funeral was. I was okay with that. In fact, I even suggested to them they should go there. I felt even better about the funeral home because the staff members recognized me and said hello and asked me how I was doing. They seemed to genuinely care, and that makes me feel much better about them. I certainly would recommend this place to other people, though Lord knows I don't want to have to!
Anyhow, I did alright. I felt tears in my eyes, but I did not break down into an emotional mess and I was able to "enjoy" the funeral, as much as one can enjoy a funeral. The speeches were nice, and just beautiful. I am glad I went, and I hope my friends know that I am here for them. I will help them through this new normal they are experiencing as much as I can.
Today's funeral once again pointed out just how quickly life can change. This woman was only 61 years old, and her death was sudden and unexpected. Her children and grandchildren's lives have changed in a split second.
I am feeling the need to learn more about religion and to find myself a place in this world. I need to learn it in "plain English." I have in past attempted to read a bible, but I do not understand it. I need it to be interpreted in a way for me to relate to it. To understand the concepts.
I have been "Bear's wife" for over 5 years and I am not sure who I am anymore. I am "Mommy" but I am not mothering a child. Who am I? I certainly am not the person I was before. I am older, more wiser, and I am much more familiar with the laws of life. I am even in the process of looking for a new job. I have been in between careers for a few years now, working odd crap jobs simply because I had to work. So, I am unfamiliar with who I am in every aspect of the word.
I don't know how long I will be left here on Earth... and I do not want to spend the entire time being miserable.
I still have some more work to do with my husband's state of affairs, and hopefully things will start to work themselves out soon. I can hardly believe how much work goes into "ending". It really doesn't matter how prepared you are!