Since my brother is in town and could take care of the pup, I decided to spend the night at the palliative care unit with my bear!
Even though he dozed alot throughout the evening, it was still nice to be in the same room as him all night and not be worrying about the time or as the case may be, the nasty weather outside the window.
The staff provided me with a cot and we mostly just watched tv all night and talked and dozed a bit. It was nice. I miss that.
While watching tv with him, it was difficult to see him tear up every time a Christmas commercial came on. He cried that he might not have another Christmas and if he does, it will not be a very good one. I feel so bad when he said that and I don't know how to comfort him. I tell him that we don't know how much time he has, he could have months. And we will do whatever we can to make this a holiday to remember.
But the truth is I worry about it too.
Today, I noticed how swollen Bear's right leg has become. His feet have been swelling a while now but his leg suddenly got bigger than the other one. We mentioned it to the doctor when he came on his rounds this morning and he was scheduling an ultrasound for Bear's leg to look for any blood clots that may be there. I had to leave so I will find out more about that tomorrow. I'm really glad that this doctor is taking the "better safe than sorry" route and keeping Bear as comfortable as possible.
The doctor tells us today that he feels that Bear's health is on a plateau. While Bear may be still feeling a bit miserable and uncomfortable, medically speaking he has not gotten any worse in over a week now. This is encouraging news. It does NOT mean that Bear is not severely sick, he is. He WILL get worse, it is just a matter of when, and the longer he is on a plateau, the better.
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I would like to thank M&M for their generosity. Words can not express how much your help means to us and I hope someday we can return the favor or pay it forward. Thank you. You are wonderful people, and I'm so grateful to know you. I know our daughters are playing together in Heaven and that makes me happy. From the bottom of my heart.... Thank You.
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... in the face of cancer, we are learning to live one bear hug at a time ...
6 comments:
I am so glad you were able to spend that time with Bear! How wonderful for both of you!
And a plateau is a good thing too. Even though it doesn't mean he won't get worse... at least it is nice to know he's leveled out for a bit.
As far as him voicing his concerns about not having another Christmas, I think I'd just tell him I understand and that I am scared about it as well. Not to bring him down... but just to let him know he's not alone.
Maybe the two of you could make plans together for what to do for Christmas.
Hugs!
It is so great that they let you stay the night when possible. I keep you guys in my prayers and thoughts every day.
Psalms 37:5 "Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in Him;and He shall bring it to pass."
this is the verse that I read today...I thought it could help you in finding your strength to get up and moving...
I understand the thoughtfulness of friends and family and how wonderful it is to recieve a note or package or maybe just a call to see how you are doing...sounds like you are hanging in there...thinking and praying for you all the time...
WOW Tears again! I guess this brings up alot from Mom. She had her last chrismass and we just spoiled her rotten. Dad and I did everthing we could do for her. You just do the smae for your bear! Hold him close and never let go of these days weeks and months to come with him you never know waht tomorrow will bring.
HUGS HUGS
Ter, thanks so much for taking the time to update the blog. I haven't "seen" you online in a while and have been wondering how you and B are doing.
It sounds like the 2 of you had an enjoyable night together. As for the tearing up...well, it is bound to happen and seems to be an important part of this process.
I hope you and B do manage to have a wonderful holiday season. This has the potential to bein the most meaningful one ever. (sigh)
That sleepover sounds wonderful. I'm sure it did both of you a lot of good. I hope you will be able to do it again soon. Wish I could come stay with Emma so you could go! Maybe one day ;-) Love ya!
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