Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Today Wasn't Any Better

October 15, 2008 - Today was a no good rotten day. Not only did I get stuck at a train and go totally loco (no pun intended) by screaming at the train to get out of my way, I got a parking ticket simply because I could not park in my usual parkades and I did not know this one (the others, you take the ticket with you to punch when you return, this one you're to keep it on your dashboard) then to make matters worse I am told my husband may not even make it to Christmas.

Today, Bear can not lift his legs at all. He can barely move his legs and hips. He can barely wiggle his toes. I was piercing my fingernail into his flesh and he could not feel it at all.

After complaining for nearly his entire hospital stay, he was finally given an enema to help him have a bowel movement. He finally managed to do so.

His radiation treatment was cancelled. I am not sure if this is permanently, or just for today so that he could focus on emptying his bowels. Radiation isn't helping anything other than to keep him comfortable.

Shortly before I arrived to the hospital, the medical oncologist came to speak with Bear. He told Bear that he was very sorry, but the cancer is too far advance for Chemo to help him. All it will do at this stage is make him sick on top of everything and it probably would not help. Up until this point, Bear was holding onto the hope of Chemo making him better. Bear says that he told the doctor he was hoping to hang on til Christmas (his favorite holiday) and the doctor had told him that it will be very lucky if he does live that long.

They are looking at putting him into a palliative care hospital, since he is immobile and will not do well at home. He's missing our furrybear so much and hospitals don't allow pets to come in.

Everyday I leave the hospital, I am scared that will be the last time I see him.

I am so scared.

11 comments:

Jo said...

Dammit Ter! This is so unfair! I wish there was more I could say or do to help. Just know that I am here for you... if you want to rant or scream... I'm here.

BIG HUGS!

Colleen said...

Terri, I don't know what to say, except that I am so sorry. I can't imagine what you are going through.

I am glad that you are blogging about it and giving people an avenue to reach out to you.

I wish you strength in what you have been enduring and what you will need to endure these coming days.

I agree with Jo.... BIG HUGS.

Amber said...

I am so sorry that you both have to go through this awful time. If there were any two people that deserve all the happiness in the world, it would be you two.

I don't know always what to say in times like these, but you are in my thoughts often and I will continue to pray for you two.

((hugs))

The Fabulous Ms. Beth said...

I'm so sorry.. :(
I'll continue to pray for a miracle.
((hugs))

Diana said...

Ter, I am sending huge bear hugs to both of you! I can't believe this is happening to you both! This world is so unfair!

EricaD said...

(((Big Bear))) Terri, my heart is breaking for you both. I wish I was there to hold you tight and shed these tears with you. I'm going to sending up those prayers for your miracle...(((HUGS))) and love...

Ivanhoe said...

I'm so sorry that you have to go thru this. Please don't give up the hope. Get a second opinion if needed. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
P.S.: I came thru Amber's blog.

dimarsh49 said...

OH my gosh Terry :( I am so sorry.. the last time (and first time I read about his cancer) it seemed like it was nothing major-- right in the beginning... I can't believe this. THis is so horrible and I hope they are giving you tons of support and you are reaching out to family (even though they arent always there for you) and friends... you can't go through this alone. I cant imagine how your husband is feeling...let alone you...
big hugs and all your internet people are here for you.... I am sorry there wasnt good news... :(
hang in there....
DIanne

Sarah Guckes said...

Hugs, Hugs, Hugs and more Hugs. I'm praying for you and your husband.

perilloparodies said...

i found you on Bring the Rain... I do not think it is a mistake. I just wanted you to know that i have NO Words, Only tears. I am sorry for your pain and suffering. I am here should you need an extra prayer. I am praying for you both. May God grant you His "strength for today, and hope for tomorrow..." Celita

Trying to catch a breathe of air. said...

Damnit!! I have a huge pit in the bottom of my stomach! This is just not fair. He can't even see his pup. I HATE CANCER!!