Saturday, October 18, 2008

Another Day

Today, Bear had some visitors which was nice for him. My dad, stepmom and my littlest brother (who suddenly towers over me) came and Bear's sister came back with her husband and all of the kids. The other day it was just their youngest but today all the kids were out of school. I took pictures of Bear with the kids but I think I should ask permission before I post them.

Bear had alot of discomfort today. He was glad that his visitors came while the morphine was working, but before they came he was in a lot of pain and feeling like giving up. It is so hard for me to see him in so much pain. It is hard for me to be the strong one.

While he was eating his supper, we noticed how much muscle loss he has had in his hands. I took a photo for you to see.

It is very difficult for me to watch my husband deteriorate before my very own eyes. You have to understand, he has always been the strong one, the one who cared for me when I was ill and after the death of our little girl. I am supposed to be returning the favor but I fear I am failing to do so.

I am also beginning to feel the stress of going to the hospital every day. It takes me about half an hour to drive there each day and half an hour to drive back. Gas is not cheep these days, and it also costs me between $10-15 dollars each day to park my car. I either have to bring my own food or I will have to buy food from their cafeteria. Today I bought myself a wrap for lunch and it cost nearly $6. A bottle of pop is $2 so I try to bring a drink from home.

I fear that as it begins to get darker earlier and earlier, my visits with my husband will become shorter and shorter. I do not like driving in the dark, especially with my tendency to fall asleep at the wheel. It being dark only enhances the possibility of this happening.

Both of us are feeling depression and I think we are both near the completely give up stage. We are both exhausted and feeling like we've been picked on one time too many.

Here's to hoping tomorrow will be a better day.


Jo said...

Oh wow Ter! What else can I say? I'm sitting here shaking my head. *sigh*

I hope tomorrow is better too!

It would seem there should be SOME sort of program that can help you with gas, parking and food! When my B was in the hospital, they let me order from the menu with him and I didn't have to pay for it. That was nice.

HUGS HUGS and more HUGS!

Joc(e) said...

I soooo wish I lived near you so I could help you with all the traveling and food and all that stuff :-( Let me know if there is anything I can do...


momtimes4 said...

You have every right to feel that you've been picked on more than your fair share. My heart goes out to you.

EricaD said...

(((Ter))) I'm with Joc; I wish I lived close enough to help with the driving, cooking you meals, ANYTHING to help you and Bear. Sending lots of love...

dede402 said...

I too wish I lived closer to you so I could help with driving/meals and just to be there for you and your bear. My heart goes out to both of yous. I do so hope tomorrow is better. ((BIG HUGS)) I'm thinking of you. Let me know if there is anything I can do from afar (I mean I live closer than most but still TOO FAR! :( I'm here for you!

Allison said...

well, moving him to someplace like riverview will help with both the distance and the parking. I don't think you have to pay for parking there. You should check and see if HSC has parking like the Vic, they have weekly passes (which for two weeks I didn't buy becuase I never for an instant thought that Art would be in the hosp for two weeks!)

It will also help with the distance as RV is about 1/2 the distance HSC is, and you can park on the street.

darkness, sorry cant' hlep too much. Mother nature got mad last time I mucked with the seasons and doesn't let me play with her wand anymore... :-)

We'll be over to your house to fix some stuff tomorrow.