Emotional

I arrived at Bear's room today to see several people in the room. One of his doctors, another doctor, a student nurse and another woman whom I've seen before but have not quite figured out who she is.

Bear was in his chair and was obviously emotional when I walked in. Apparently, last night he was having alot of pain and this was causing depression.

Prior to my arrival, I believe he had expressed his concern of being "kicked out" of the palliative care unit. As I walked in, the doctor was telling him he should not be worried, no one is kicking him out and he will remain there for as long as necessary until something "better for you" comes along. They will work with us to determine the best course of action, they want to find the best place for him, and for him to be the most comfortable possible.

Bear was visibly upset and even said that he can't take this being bedridden any longer. He began to tear up and that of course made me start crying too.

Everyone left us alone to spend time together, but the emotions ran high the entire time I was there. We walked up and down the hall and stopped in the lounge for a while. Every so often he would burst into tears again, which of course made me burst into tears too.

It has been a very emotional time for us. Some days I wonder how we can survive. How we have survived the last three years?

Backtracking a little bit, one of the things I forgot to mention yesterday in regards to the Nursing Home option. If Bear is put in a nursing home, we would legally have to separate in what they call a "medical separation". If my understanding is correct, this is just so that his income does not affect my income or vice versa, and then he will be qualified for any benefits or anything that he will need won't cost as much. I am not entirely sure. But just the thought of having to legally separate is just so unfair.

Hopefully he can remain in the palliative care unit or be transferred to another one which from what I hear the other one is much bigger and has more space for the patients to move around and feel more like 'home'.

Some sad news: When I took the furrybear to visit her daddy, we had been asked to visit another patient. She really enjoyed that and so did the woman who we visited. Well, sadly, the woman has passed away. I sincerely hope that she is at peace now, and without pain.

Just a Little Update

Not a whole lot to report from the weekend. Bear had some ups and downs in terms of how he was feeling. He had a lot of visitors over the weekend which I think was good for him. Although at one point he was in pain and he told everyone to leave for a while. It sure breaks my heart to see him like this.

When he was at the other hospital, he was given sponge bath but at the palliative care unit, they are able to hoist him up to take him into a shower. I know that makes him feel better!

He is beginning to find it difficult to eat and drink. Today they pureed his food in hopes that it will slide down better. Bear loves his food so I think it is depressing him that he is not able to enjoy food like he used to. He is also having his medication administered via IV tube instead of pill form. He finds this helps ease the pain quicker, but it also makes him more groggy.

I know there was more I was going to say but I am tired tonight and I can't think.

First Day in Palliative Care

Bear had some discomfort today due to bladder and bowel issues. Also, he is missing the air bed that he had at the other hospital. However, on the whole, the palliative care unit is definitely a better place to be.

As I mentioned yesterday, he has a private room. It really helps in terms of not being disturbed by doctors, nurses or visitors coming in to see other patients. Anyone who is coming into his room is there to see him.

Last night, we met the doctor and he came by again today. I absolutely love his bedside manner and he is the kind of guy you just want to spontaneously hug because he is so friendly.

He is going to adjust some of Bear's pain medication in hopes that there won't be any more periods of extreme discomfort. He seems to think that Bear's body is getting too used to morphine that it's not working for as long a time as before.

Hopefully, Bear will have a chair tomorrow, which will be great for him to be a little mobile and get a change of scenery. There are 3 lounges on the floor in which the patients and visitors can sit and have a more comfortable visit. Even the room itself is more comfortable than the other hospital.

The social worker at this hospital came in to meet us and we told her about how we had difficulty getting a doctor's appointment for me so I can get my forms filled out for stress leave and how we hadn't been able to get ahold of the lawyer yet. She went and called both of them and within 20 min. I have appointments set up next week with both my doctor and the lawyer. Thank goodness for small favors!

And BEST OF ALL! We have been granted permission to bring our furrybear to see her daddy!! It's probably a good thing she doesn't have a tail or she'd wag it right off in excitement! I hope I'll remember to bring my camera and put it on the video setting when we bring her in. I think we are going to try to do this on Sunday as tomorrow even more visitors are coming in.

I haven't been able to reply to all the comments, but please know I am reading them and so very grateful for all your kind words and your prayers. I wish I could give you each a BIG HUG in real life! Maybe someday!

Moving Day

I tried to get ahold of the lawyer mentioned by the social worker. They kept telling me to call back. I never did get in touch with him. I tried calling the doctor's office regarding a doctor's note to be put on stress leave. The first 100 times (okay, it was only like 10 times) I dialed, it was busy and when I finally got through they said they could not fit me in until end of November. I explained why I needed to see the doctor sooner than that and they said well you should just go to a walk in clinic. Sure, this is a possibility but if EI wanted to investigate my claim they would say this doctor does not know you and reject my claim for stress leave and/or compassion leave.

Amazingly, I made it to the gym for the first time since before he ended up in the hospital. I've actually managed to loose 3 or 3.5 lbs in the (how many days has it been now?) without even exercising.

When I got to the hospital, the social worker was actually coming to the room to see us and I told her how I was having difficulty getting in touch with lawyer and getting an appointment with my doctor sooner rather than later. She told me that this is something they can help us with, so I hope that means things will be ok in the end.

Some good news though! Shortly before I arrived to the hospital, Bear was informed that a bed opened up in a palliative ward of the other hospital. He was transferred a couple hours later. Thank goodness it's not hospice which we would have to pay for. We followed to the other hospital and I think it is going to be so much better for him. He has a private room and it is big enough to have several visitors without being too crowded. He has a window view and a TV that he won't have to pay for, as far as I know. The doctor came in shortly after and he seemed like a very nice fellow with wonderful bedside manners.

I think Bear will be more comfortable there and the best part is I can have sleepovers with him! I might do that on Saturday when my mother-in-law is here and can take care of my dog for the night. I sure look forward to spending more time with my Bear!